Advent Poems (Dec 22nd) - If I Were a Turkey

To be sung to the tune of If I were a Rich Man from Fiddler on the Roof (I have attached the song so you can play it and sing along if you don't know it).

If I were a turkey
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum
I would run away at Christmas time
If I were a turkey bird
I’d really have to work hard
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum
Christmas day is not a festive time
If you are a big, fat turkey bird

I’d act like big fat cows or small tiny gerbils
Dogs, cats or any kind of pet
Animals that aren’t served as Christmas lunch
There would be one mad turkey just going moo
And one even madder who’s a vet
And one crazed bird who thinks he’s Captain Crunch

I’d wag my tail and purr and bark and I’d bleat and neigh
For the farm to see and hear
Anytime the farmer or wife gets near
And each loud “woof!” and “meow!” and “baaa!” and “eeaaw!”
Would land like a trumpet on the ear
As if to say “there are no turkeys here.”

If I were a turkey
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum
I would run away at Christmas time
If I were a turkey bird
Oh sage and onion stuffing
Mix it, boil it, stir it, ball it and then stick it up my bum
Christmas day is not a festive time

If you are a big, fat turkey bird

I’d hide in sheds or trees or behind other turkeys
Inside a bush or underground
Anywhere to make sure that I wasn’t seen
I would hitch-hike my way to some exotic country
Somewhere where I could not be found
Where turkeys are treated like kings and queens

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Mother Goose the Wise.

"If you please, Sir Turkey..."

"Pardon me, Sir Turkey..."

Posing problems that would cross my farmer's eyes.
Gobble Gooooooble
Gobble Gooooooble
Gobble Gooooooble
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuum

And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.

When you're there, they treat you like a god.

If I were there, I'd have the time that I lack

To sit in the sun all day and tan.
And made to feel that I stood at ten feet tall

And at Christmas they’d serve the finest of foods
And I am not on the menu plan.

And that would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a turkey

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum
All day long I’d gobble gobble yum

If I were a turkey bird

I’d really have to work hard
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum
There are things I never could avoid
Christmas time my neck would feel a void
That is why I’m vastly overjoyed
That I’m not a turkey bird