Monday, September 29, 2008

Chronic Procrastinators Look Away Now!!

This bills itself as a fun online physics puzzle game. All I know is that it is pretty darn addictive. Check it out:

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Season of Darkness Approacheth its End

September is a difficult month for many of us. It marks the end of the summer. For teachers, students and schools workers its the first month back after our longest break. For Salvationists there's the prospect of collecting. The evenings are getting darker. The days are getting shorter. I could go on. But for me, there is another, particularly epic reason that I hate this autumnal month. For you see September is the month of the dreaded Tipulidae, otherwise known as ... the Daddy Long Legs. Nothing on this great and varied earth can strike fear into my heart quite like the humble crane fly. These mid-season loving arthropods are, I am convinced, the very last thing the Archangel Lucifer was allowed to help create before he was cast out of heaven (in fact, I am inclined to believe that their invention was one of the key reasons for the fall in the first place). Many people think that this insectual (I said inseCtual) fear is somewhat irrational and unfounded. So allow me to briefly list 5 perfectly rational reasons why I believe these creatures should be feared and, ultimately, destroyed:

1) They move weird: Daddy Long Legs don't fly. They don't walk. They don't crawl or swim or climb or even fall. Daddy Long Legs seizure. The life of the crane fly is one long epileptic fit. They are born, they then bump, shake and wobble their way through existence and promptly die. This is weird and creepy. Having a fly (or even a bee) buzz towards me is annoying but seeing a Daddy Long Legs hover it's way across the carpet (or wall or ceiling) is just sinister and alarming. If any person did that to you you'd hit them with a brick. If making a bee line towards someone is approaching them directly and quickly then a Daddy Long Legs line would involve one getting on the ground and silently (and without permission or invitation) sneaking up on them - like a ninja. Or a stalker!!! Yeah. That's it. Daddy Long Legs are the nervous twitchy stalkers of the insect world.

2) They have no purpose: Daddy Long Legs do nothing. NOTHING!! Bees make honey. Humans make iPods. Crane flies? Zip! Zilch! Nada! They have no purpose and no meaning. Do you know what that means? They have no soul. Do you know what else has no soul? Vampires. Daddy Long Legs are vampires.

3) Poison: Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has the most poisonous venom known to man? The fact that they don't have the teeth to administor said poison is neither here nor there. The fact is, they're deadly. You can't call that irrational.

(NB: For the sake of honesty and integrity, readers should know that Daddy Long Legs, in fact, do not have even remotely harmful venom. This is a widely believed urban myth. However, for the sake of this blog, I would like you to ignore this and continue with the perpetuation of the poison myth - this just makes for a stronger argument for me)

4) Look at them: Just flipping look at them. They are spindly and fragile and are held together by air. They look like a spider's web came to life and you can't tell me that wouldn't freak you out.

5) And finally, if you needed anymore convincing. If just looking at them with human eyes won't budge your resolve then check out what they look like under the microscope:

Tell me that isn't a hideous creature of Greek mythological proportions. I defy anyone to not shudder upon its countenance. There is only one word for it:


But as I say, the season's coming to an end now so I really don't need to worry about it.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Whilst Chips Arrive

I have just spent the past few hours digging out muck from Andy and V's wash house.  I am now playing on Andy's mac while I wait for him to bring in some fish and chips.  Whilst I was playing I started looking through his photos and came across this one which I took when he first bought the mac about 18 months ago:

Just by way of contrast I thought I'd take this one of me in the present:

Oh how the months have aged me.  Oop!  Gotta go.  Chips have arrived.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Where Boats Come From

Me: (Referring to Katie's car) How long have you had her?
Katie: (Thinking) Hmm
Me: I apologise
Katie: For what?
Me: I have just assumed a gender onto your car without asking or thinking.
Katie: That's ok. Aren't all cars considered female anyway?
Me: I don't think so. I've known some people with male cars, and indeed have named them accordingly.
Katie: Oh that's right, it's boats that are always female.
Me: Don't be ridiculous.
Katie: What?
Me: Of course you get male boats.
Katie: No you don't.
Me: If there are no male boats then where do new boats come from?
Katie: The boat factory?
Me: You're an idiot.
Katie: Hmm, well maybe but...HANG ON! You're an idiot!!!
Me: Ha ha! So seriously, how long?
Katie: 2 years.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

RIP Cinnamon

Cinnamon Vauxhall
1998-24th September 2008
Loving vehicle to many
Survived by her owner Glyn Harries
May you rest in peace little one

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tick Tock

Tick tock tick tock
Tick tock tick tock
Time racing
Pigeon's chasing
Wacky races
Changing faces
So little time to blog
Feeling trapped within the fog
Daniel Daniel wants to know
If the posts will fail to flow
One line rushed to make the time
Second crushed to fake the rhyme
How bizarre
Gone too far
What is this post?
Who is the host?
What does it mean?
Dirty or clean
Rich or poor
Heaven's door
Waits for those
Who bravely chose
To make the choice
To hear the voice
To breathe and scream a firm rejoice
Creative cooking nought but scam
Thoughtless verse and mindless prose
No-one stopping, no-one knows
Done today with time to spare
Here's my Tuesday post so there!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Congas and New Friends

Today's been a good day.

In youth cell this morning we looked at the passage in 2Samuel 6 where David enters the city wearing his iPod whilst his servants are shouting and blowing their crumpets (there were a few mishearings and verbal slip ups during the reading) and starts dancing like an idiot, much to the disapproval of some. We were exploring what it meant to be undignified and/or frowned upon in our worship so I thought it would be a brilliant idea to start the session by having them conga round the church to Ricky Martin whilst unsuspecting congregants were enjoying a nice, quiet cup of tea. Now I don't mean to blow my own crumpet but it really was a brilliant idea. It was a lot of fun for a start and people geninely didn't seem to know how to react. This led to some really encouraging discussions from the young people about what it really meant to worship (how can we go nuts over a conga despite what other people might think yet we find it so difficult in worship?) I'm really enjoying the way the small groups are working this year and I'm looking forward to seeing how they develop further.

This evening was spent in the company of a family from my church who I've never really gotten to know properly in the past. They are all beautiful beautiful people and it was great having the chance to chat to them and laugh with them and find out more about them and their heart and their faith. I have just got in and I'm feeling really refreshed and excited about what the future holds. I have said to a few friends this week that I was feeling really lonely with the youth work in the church but today I have had so many comments of thanks and encouragement and support that I'm now feeling really uplifted.

So yeah. Today's been a good day.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


My apologies that:

a) this has been uploaded two days later than it was filmed

b) something that I'd intended to be quite quirky and funny actually turned out...well like this:

Hope your having fun bro!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Joke Query

Has anyone ever written a joke about a man who walks into a Bar Mitzvah?

It could go something like:

A guy walks into a Bar Mitzvah. Ouch! ... mitzvah

Conversation of a Lapsed Blogger

Me: Dan, would you redesign my blog page?

Dan: How do you mean?

Me: I want a newly designed blog that looks really good

Dan: Ok

I want exciting graphics

Dan: Ok

Me: Bold colours

Dan: Right

Me: With some kind of a theme

Dan: Uh-huh

Me: Something original

Dan: Sure

Me: Something a bit like yours

Dan: Ok

Me: What do you think

Dan: Hmm

Me: What do you mean by hmm?

Dan: Well it's a fair amount of work

Me: Ok

Dan: Which I'm happy to do

Me: Right

Dan: For you

Me: Uh-huh

Dan: Because you're my brother


The problem is you don't blog

Me: I do too blog

Dan: You haven't blogged since 1976

Me: Yeah but that's only because I have a really boring blog that I've got really bored of blogging on. If I had an exciting new blog, I'd blog all the time.

Dan: No you wouldn't

Me: I totally would

Dan: Prove it

Me: What?

Dan: Prove that you'll blog all the time

Me: How

Dan: Blog

Me: What?

Blog everyday for a month and I'll redesign your blog page.

Me: But I'll never do that

Then I'm not wasting my time making you a man of style over substance

Me: But the whole point is that I'm not blogging because the page is boring. I want a proper redesign and then I'll relaunch it.

Dan: But what is it about a new look that'd make you blog.

Me: I don't know, it just would

Dan: Well surely the prospect of a redesign should have the same effect


Me: Everyday?

Dan: Yup!

Me: For a month?

Dan: Yup


Me: Couldn't I offer to give you a shoulder massage everytime I see you for the next month?

Dan: I'm going to be in Bristol for the next three years

Me: Well until you go to Bristol then?

Dan: You are right now this very second driving me to Bristol


Me: I was hoping you'd have forgotten that

You're an idiot

Me: Well what if I...

Dan: Nope

Me: But instead of...

Dan: Blog for a month

Me: Yeah but what if...

Dan: Not interested


Me: Darn it

(The blog Confessions of an Innocent Man will be redesigned and relaunched on Saturday 18th October - Pending the successful completion of a certain challenge)