Advent Poems (Dec 19th) - Carol Singers (Part 4)

Sitting alone in my flat in the cold
People I loved have now left
Family and friends walked out long ago
Now I’m anxious, depressed and bereft

Everything I’ve ever believed in was false
All those I trusted told lies
There is no humanity, love has no pulse
And kindliness dwindles and dies

Today I discovered that nothing is real
Today marked the back-breaking straw
Today put an end to every ideal
Today my heart learnt to close doors

Tonight is the night that all of this ends
Tonight I escape from the pain
Tonight I respond to a world that pretends
Tonight I will crumble in vain

I slowly and cautiously get to my feet
And pray for a reason to fight
When suddenly, quietly, out from the street
Some soft voices sing “Silent Night”

I peer through my curtains and smile as I see
Ten people with mince pies and wine
They grin and they laugh as they sing out of key
Their quivering voices divine

They walk down the road and they sing outside drives
In their jubilant, Christmas time quest
I sit and I listen and keep closing my eyes
As I silently make my requests

After an hour, I hear my bell ring
I hold my breath, hoping they’ll pass
Not wanting to show them this mess that I’m in
So I freeze as I peer through the glass

They leave and I see them try a few more
Who seem to think that it’s a con
Maybe I should have just opened the door
But when I look back they are gone

I wish I had joined them and not stayed and moped
I wish I had worked to spread cheer
But as I reflect, I am filled with the hope
That maybe I’ll see them next year