Monday, November 27, 2006

Blessed are the Absent-Minded for they will Leave their Inheritance on the Bus

Alright, alright so last week I lost my laptop. Let's talk about that. I still don't quite feel ready to joke about it mind you. However, it would seem that other people are. So here goes. Here's what happened to my laptop:

I don't know.

I woke up one morning and it was gone. I know I had it with me the previous night. I remember having it on the train. I remember taking it off the train. I remember taking it into the taxi with me. I remember taking it out of the taxi. I remember walking home with it. I remember getting back to the house and putting it down. I remember picking it up and taking it upstairs with me. And I remember going to sleep, safe in the knowledge that it was by my side. And while I stand firm in my conviction that I did all those things, the evidence would seem to suggest otherwise:

Clue #1: The laptop is not in the house. This would suggest that the laptop is not in the house.

Clue #2: Nothing else is missing and nothing in the house is broken. So I think we can rule out burglary.

Clue #3: The house currently looks like a showroom. With Andy and V trying to sell the house, they have removed many mounds of mess within which a laptop may be hidden. After upturning many tidy things, creating my own mounds of mess and then tidying up again, I think I can rule out the possibility that I put my laptop somewhere "safe".

Clue #4: To my knowledge, I have no history of sleepwalking. Some would call it clutching it at straws. I prefer to think of it as ruling out remote possibilities. But no, I'm fairly confidant that I didn't slip out the house with it whilst asleep and unconsciously leave it with an alley cat (although it was a full moon that night).

All this would seem to lead to two possible conclusions:

Conclusion #1: I left it on the train, taxi or in the street. Not likely.

Conclusion #2: The barrier between us and other worlds is weakening and everyday household items are slipping through small temporary worm-holes. This seems to be the stronger of the two possibilities.

I'm aware that it seems I'm adopting a certain reluctance to accept that I just left it but I can't believe that I would have left it anywhere with such mental vacancy so as to not realise until the following day. Or at least that's how I would be feeling were it not for a couple of other incidents this week that would seen to confirm that I am, in fact, slowly losing the plot:

On Friday I had my first ever lesson in the morning (yes - finally) and before I got to the school I spent some time scouting the area for shops, co-ops or garages where I could purchase some water (didn't want to lead a lesson parched now did I?). Finally I found some and merrily made my way to the school. When I got there, I went to the loo, left the loo, was taken to the classroom and realised that I had left my water (in more ways than one), in the toilet. I had to deliver two lessons back-to-back with a dry throat.

The second incident occurred yesterday. I was leading the cell group at Chelmsford Corps and so woke up and, suddenly aware of my newly found absent-mindedness, made sure that I had everything I needed with me. I needed my cell group notes and my bible. So I woke up, took them out of my bag and took them downstairs with me. Bible and cell notes - check. I had a shower, got out and got dressed, making sure that wherever I went, so did my stuff. Bible and cell notes - check. I walked downstairs carrying my cell notes and bible. I walked to the door with my cell notes and bible. I put my cell notes and bible on the side ever so briefly to put my coat and shoes on, making sure never to break eye contact with the cell notes and bible whilst doing so. I then picked up the cell notes and bible, making sure they were both there and I had a firm grasp of them both, opened the door and left the house with the cell notes and bible in hand. It was only when I was half way to the hall (i.e. at the point of no return) that I realised that the cell notes and bible that I had been carrying round the house with me and making sure I had on me at all times, were in fact my cell notes and diary. Yup. My diary. Completely different book. It wasn't all bad though. While I was unable to discuss Paul's teachings on community with the group, I was able to tell them what Jesus was up to on the 25th Septemeber 2006.

So I guess it's more than possible that I did, in fact, leave my laptop on the train, in the taxi or in the street. I just hope I recover from this newly acquired quirk before I lose anything else.


Anonymous said...

Hi Glyn, it's called Juvenescent Altziemer's and is to do with thinking about being organised when it really goes against your character. I've had it so long it's turning into the geriatric version, which is worrying - now where DID I put those kids?

Hope the laptop turns up and at the risk of sounding like your mother, have you made phone calls to the various transport agencies you may have used?

AndyMac said...


Can't really say I emphathise with you since as you already know, in terms of personality traits, and I'm thinking organisation versus spontaneity, we are probably at opposite ends of the spectrum! To prove I can't empathise, here is my attempt:

"Glyn, sorry to hear about your laptop. I know how you feel because I once had something similar happen. A long time ago (actually it was yesterday), I lost a pen, after I gave it to a student and he left the class without giving it back! So, dude, I feel your pain"

See, I told you, I'm crap at it! Since I can not emphatise, I can only sympathise with you (which seems like empathy's little weedy cousin), but it'll have to do. Here you go:

"awwww, poor you!"

PS Don't want to kick you while your down but I managed to get a lie published on the most listened to Podcast in America, He He!

Anonymous said...

And we trust you with the moral and spiritulal well being of our children and you can't even remember your own bible! PS We do have bibles at Chelmsford - lots of them in pretty different colours too!

Anonymous said...

yeah.........if it makes you feel any better there is one happy south west train passenger out there who currently has about 2 grand of Besson Sovereign cornet that i left on a train once

Anonymous said...

to be honest, being your mums son it was bound to happen eventually wasnt it?!
didnt she forget all of your names once on the radio??

Anonymous said...

Sorry son. Nothing to do with Mum. This is entirely a Harries thing. I had hoped you would be spared for a few more years but alas it is not so. It is all downhill from here on in. We have discovered no known cure and all I can offer is empathy, sympathy and apology.