Friday, April 21, 2006

This Blog is Brought to You by the Letter N and the Number Flippin' 1

Seeing as I'm pretty new to this whole blog malarkey, I was extremely grateful to have Matt White introduce me to everyone else in his latest post. Not only did he let the masses who regularly read his blog know that I'm here, he was also kind enough to recommend my humble site ("it's worth a read" is, I believe, the phrase he used). What I was less thrilled about, however, was the deliberate and malicious use of the second 'N' which he took great delight in adding to the end of my name. Now this is a mistake made by many I grant you. But this was no mistake. If you pay close attention to his previous post in which he lists his top three findings in my shop (holla to the WO crew - big up to your sand-wedge), he makes mention of my name not once - but twice. You will also notice that the right honourable Mr White has had the courtesy to spell Glyn with the appropriate use of the single "N". "So why," I hear you cry, "if he knew how to spell your name correctly, did he not do so when introducing you to others?" The answer is simple: because Matt White knows how much it winds me up. Put another way, Matt is an online bully. It's the cyber equivalent of volunteering to show the new kid round the classroom and then introducing him to everyone as the kid who was transferred here because his last school didn't tolerate habitual trouser-wetters (by the way, that was just an analogy. It never actually happened. And even if it had happened I got him back later that year by actually wetting myself and then swapping trousers during P.E. anyway so...).

It seems absurd to think that someone with such spiritual maturity could get such kicks out of spelling it Glynn. Why do we do these things to each other? I've decided that it's a universal flaw shared by all human beings. We like to see others getting upset if we don't understand why they're so worked up by something that, to us, seems so trivial. We mock the feelings of others if we can't comprehend their pain. In much the same way as I (as an insensitive 14 year old) laughed at the death of my brother and sister's pet rabbit (mauled by a fox - apparently the neighbours could hear the guinea pig screaming), so others take delight in spelling my name with two n's.

If they understood, maybe they wouldn't do it. Well I have a blog now. And I have a voice. I am no longer meek and mild "Glyney Glyney Wet Pants" (seriously though - just an analogy). I will be heard. And all those reading will know why it is spelt G-L-Y-N:

For starters, an extra 'n' on the end of Glyn is entirely unnecessary. It adds nothing to the pronunciation. I have never heard anyone read my name when spelt correctly on a piece of paper and say "er... Gleen?...Gline? How do you say this?". No. Of course not. It's Glyn. It doesn't even need a phonetic confirmation. It sounds exactly like it looks. Glyn.

An extra 'n' is sheer extravagance. Glyn is a single syllabled word. It's not even a single syllable that you have to take your time with such as "Carl" or "Kyle". It's a quick and tidy Glyn. Straight to the point. No mucking around - Glyn. You could deliver it in about as much time as it would take you to hiccup. No word or name of such directness should be spelt with 5 letters. My sister, Lisa, manages two whole syllables with a mere 4 letters. To spell Glyn with 5 is to make a travesty of everything that makes the English language great.

I think what upsets me most, however, is the blatant disservice an extra 'n' does to the aesthetic of the word. Glyn is a good looking name. I mean just look at it for a second. Take a moment to really take it in. The curve of the G, the dip of the y... It's beautiful. Everything you need is right there in that tight little package. Glynn on the other hand is grotesque. It's like taking Brad Pitt and adding an extra 5 stone or putting a fist-sized wart on the neck of the beautiful Amy Smart. It turns my stomach. Glynn is alphabetical proof that you can have too much of a good thing.

So there it is. I hope you now understand why it rubs the wrong way to have my name spelt with that hideous unnatural extra appendage. And I hope you will, from now on, have the sensitivity to grant my name the respect it deserves. At the end of the day, spelling my name correctly truly does benefit everybody. For a start it saves on ink. It also saves on time and energy. What if everyone, instead of wasting time writing or typing an extra 'n' at the end of my name, were to use that time to listen to a friend or to help a child realise that everything they've wanted comes from within? Surely this world would be a better place.

Think about it.

Next week: why it's spelt Harries but pronounced Harris.

1 comment:

Matt L said...

I think your blog posts are verrrrry looooonnnng