Personal Statement

So I am currently in the process of updating my CV (I say updating but, seeing as I have lost any evidence of any CV I may have previously written, what I am actually doing is writing my CV from scratch).  For the most part this has been a tedious but reasonably easy process.  However, the thing that I have struggled with – the thing that I have always struggled with – is my personal statement.  I don't know why my brain refuses to cooperate for tasks such as this but, for some reason (about a sentence or, more often that not, half a sentence in), it gets bored and then I start writing nonsense.  Here are some of my Personal Statement attempts in the past couple of days:

"I am an experienced and passionate youth worker who is well known for creative solutions to difficult problems. In 1923 I invaded Poland. But then who didn’t."

"I am a 25 year old schools worker who is currently staying with his friends Andy and V. Right now I am sitting on the sofa in their lounge while V makes an omelette in the kitchen. Andy is there too, talking to her. Probably something about translation or languages or translating languages. My anti-social behaviour is currently being permitted because I am supposed to be working on my CV. However, as you can see, I am not achieving a great deal. So I might join my friends in the kitchen instead."

"My goodness I’m sexy. You should employ me...because I’m sexy."

"My name is Glyn (diddle iddle iddle um)

And I’ve got no chin (diddle iddle iddle um)"

"In 1983 a child was born. A child with five fingers on each hand and a mole the size of his little baby fist on his chest. 25 years later this child grew up to become a man of undeniable breeding. A man who can drive a car and likes custard. This man...is Glyn Harries...and you should hire him...here is his CV:"

Jeff and Peanut

I have recently discovered the comedic wonders of Jeff Dunham and his trunk load of friends.  I wasn't expecting to like it so much (as Verity said when I showed her this: "most ventriloquists are rubbish but this guy is actually quite good").  I felt I had to post the following clip on my blog as it spookily reminds me of the relationship I have with one Mr Andrew Hill.

I'll leave you to guess who is who.

The hills are alive with the sound of contact sheets being dutifully filled out.

Maybe it's a sign of the times.  Last Friday, I was invited to go and see Sound of Music with one of the high schools in Chelmsford (one of their drama teachers used to work in the West End and so was able to get really cheap front row seats).  Normally this wouldn't have interested me but I was really keen to build up relationships with the drama department of this particular school so I agreed to go along and, for good measure, brought Katie along with me.  I sat down (close enough to the stage to smell the tears of child actors) with a certain degree of scepticism.  I wasn't expecting this to be any good at all.  All cheesy and feel good and bleurgh!  But then, about half way through, something hit me.  As I sat and watched Maria comforting the seven Von Trapp children in her bed as they sang about their favourite things whilst forgetting the world around them, something dawned on me:  This violates so many child protection guidelines.

And it was then that I realised...my purpose in life...is to write a sketch entitled: 

The Safe and Sound of Music

In other news (whilst I have your attention) I am repeating my advent poems from last year in my other blog.  They'll be exactly the same as last years but if you were a fan and would like to rediscover the genius of the Glyn Harries advent poem challenge (some reviews: "powerful", "inspiring", "inane") then please help yourself.  Thank you.  Goodbye.