Hair Today, Long Tomorrow!

Look at my hair:

It has gotten big. And it's untidy. And it's messy. And that's very similar in meaning to the word untidy so probably didn't need to be said. I would like to do something with it (and as I listen carefully I can hear the distant sound of my mother whooping joyfully). The trouble is I don't know what to do with it. This is how my hair cycle currently works:

1) Get hair cropped short.

2) Grow hair long.

3) Don't know what to do with hair other than...

4) Get hair cropped short.

5) Grow hair long.

6) Don't know what to do with hair other than...

7) Get hair cropped short.

8) Grow hair long.

9) Am chastised by members of my corps for not having short and well kept hair in keeping with the traditions of the Salvation Army.

10) Shave hair off completely by way of protest.

11) Realise that doing exactly what they want you to do is a crap form of protest.

12) Grow hair long.

13) Don't know what to do with hair other than...

And so on and so forth (lather, rinse, repeat).

The thing is, I quite like it long. I just don't like it messy. And I certainly don't want to crop it.

So what do I do? I don't even know what my options are.

The "Make Matt Leeder Feel Loved" Campaign

If you're anything like me (and more people should be) you will have missed regular postings from Matt Leeder's blog as of late. And if you're like me (and if not, why not?) you will have wandered where he's beeen and why it is he's had so little to say. Well his latest post has revealed that Mr Leeder is feeling somewhat disillusioned by the fact that no one seems interested in his blog (which includes - among tons of other stuff - exciting and informative reviews about obscure musical artists). I think this is a shame and does not reflect the truth that people around the world (that may be generous but I'm gonna stick with it) love him and his blog.

So I am starting a campaign to get as many people to view and comment on Matt Leeder's blog as possible. Please consider this. Two comments a month (or whatever you can spare) is all that is needed to make Matt feel appreciated.

So go on - make a rockstar feel loved.

Ben Folds

So last night I went to see Ben Folds at Hammersmith Apollo. Now I'm ashamed to say it but it was my first ever concert. But what a way to start. It was flippin' awesome. The above photo shows two things:

1) How close we were to Ben Folds.

2) How rubbish my camera phone is.

I went with Matt White (my ticket was his and Christina's Christmas present to me), Simon White and Beth (Off-White) Hampbell. It was great. Highlights included:

1) Swapping life stories with Beth as we tried to keep the conversation going on the train (and also using the time to practice the horn section in Army - something that proved beneficial).

2) Singing the horn section in Army.

3) Listening to Simon White shouting at everyone.

4) Watching Matt try to intimidate someone twice his size with his "broad" irish accent (I should point out that this guy just came from the back and stood right in front of us - I should also point out that the Irish thing seemed to work).

5) Performing the YMCA amongst a crowd of Ben Folds fans so that Mike and AJ McCredie (who were also there but had seats) could try and spot me from the balcony AND THEN DISCOVERING THAT THEY WEREN'T EVEN LOOKING!!

So there we go. Ben Folds: Awesome

Awesome Pool Trick Shots!

24 Weekend

This is going to be awesome!

Shifting the Focus.

Last Sunday I felt really challenged. I'm not sure if it was the sermon on letting God move us into the future whilst protecting us from the past or if it was the visit of Richard and Heidie Bradbury talking about the Cikankata hospital in Zambia or if it was just wind or if it was a wild and crazy culmination of all 3 but I felt, coming into this new year, that I need to start thinking differently.

I am incredibly talented when it comes to thinking about myself. I don't want you to think that I'm just blowing my own trumpet here. It's true. I'm brilliant at it. Grade A. I could think about myself and my needs and my worries for days on end if I had to. And most of the time I don't even have to. I do it just because I can. I'm that good.

The problem is that when one becomes so unrestrainably competent at thinking of oneself, one tends to neglect the growing issue of others.

Others are not always easy to think about. For a start, others are not me. Others are... well, other. Others are not of me. Others are outside of me. Most others are not in the room. They are not in the building, town or country. Most others live in countries I have never been to and speak in languages I will never understand. I have not met, seen or had contact with the vast majority of others. And the others I have had contact with...well, they are still other...aren't they?

And then there's me. I spend a lot of time with me. Me tends to go with me wherever I go. I don't have to think very hard to think of me because there me is. I have a constant reminder of me - me.

And I have always hated that. I have been well aware that all my faults and all my fears and all my insecurities stem from my own self-centredness. I have been desperate to change - to shift the focus - to put others before myself. But thinking of myself is just...so easy.

I tend to gripe that I am not able to do enough for society. I have been with the Salvation Army all my life and have never worked in a soup kitchen or had a conversation with a man living on the streets or prayed with a prostitute. I've never done any of the things that I'm most proud of the Salvation Army for. And I moan that it's because I don't have the opportunity or that the Salvation Army isn't doing enough at Corps level or that no one is telling me how to help others.

The truth is, I don't do any of those things because I don't care enough.

Due to the extreme seriousness of this post, the blog's administrator would like to break it up with this quirky little cartoon:

Funny eh?

And on Sunday, I realised that it was time things changed. I need to spend more time actively and deliberately thinking of others by focussing on God.

I decided to start a savings account last week when the new iPhone was announced so that, come October (when the phone is released in Europe), I'll have enough money to buy it. And in the mean time, I'm sitting in Church on Sunday, wishing that I had the money/opportunity/time to go to Africa and do mission work. I'M SAVING UP £500 FOR AN I-PHONE!! WHO NEEDS AN I-PHONE!?!! Despite it's incredible multi-touchscreen capabilities, visual voicemail and state-of-the-art internet access (ah man, who am I kidding - everyone needs an iPhone - but it can wait).

So instead, I'm going to set up my savings account, save for a couple of years and then see what's available. And in the mean time, I'm going to do more. And I'm going to do that by putting other people first once in a while (who knows? It might turn into a habit).

So that's my new years resolution. To think less about me and more about others.

Writing a really long blog about myself probably wasn't the best of starts.

My Favourite Conversation of 2007 So Far!

Me: Hi Grandad. Happy new year.

Dad: You'll have to speak clearly for your Grandfather. His hearing's playing up.

Me: Oh. (To Grandad) Is that coz you've been partying all night?

Grandad: What!? Are my plants all right?

Classic!!

Happy Christmas!

Yaaaaay! One hour into Christmas and feeling lifted by the festive spirit. Just waiting up for santa as I type this and download the Ricky Gervais special seasonal podcast. Man I know how to celebrate the season.

Happy Christmas one and all.

H(acked-off) M(oney) V(ictim)!

HMV suck. I mean really suck. Yesterday I went to return my mum's Christmas present coz it wasn't right.

My mother is not an easy person to buy gifts for. Everyone else in my family is fairly easy. We've all found that an effective way of making sure that everyone else is well aware of what we like and dislike is to inflict our preferences onto others. Therefore, we will be made to watch whatever Dad wants to watch on TV while Lisa blasts John Williams music out of her bedroom to make us all aware that she's into her "classical" music as she laughs uncontrollably (and somewhat overwhelmingly) at her latest favourite comedy box set. Daniel will leave little room for doubt as to what he's into as his art work rapidly replaces the carpet and as he looks after his growing collection of strange DVDs that he has no interest in but were bought for him by his thoughtful older brother because I wanted to see them (to this day he has no idea why I bought him "The Royal Tenenbaums"). My mum, however, is a bit more selfless. Which makes it difficult when I'm wandering around HMV trying to find something she'd like. The thing is, she only really insists that we let her watch one thing on TV, and as HMV weren't selling the whole series 12 of the BBC 9 o'clock news, that didn't really help.

So I thought I'd give Lisa a ring (my sister is, conveniently, the same gender as my mother and so tends to be a little more tuned in to her wants and needs). She suggested the ER box set, series 7.

Perfect.

Thank you sis. Present bought.

A few days ago, however, I received an emergency voicemail on my phone from her to tell me that mum didn't have series 6 yet and if I were to present her with series 7 everything would get confused. So yesterday I went back to HMV with Matt to exchange my purchase. Now here is HMV ridiculousness #1: ER SERIES 6 COST £46!!!!! What is that?! How much are they expecting people to pay for one stinking series of one stinking drama programme type thingy!

I was not impressed. But it got worse. As me and Matt were looking through the box sets we noticed that there were getting more and more steep until we got to HMV ridiculousness #2: the box set for all the series of Kavanagh QC cost £199. Two hundred quid for a few measly episodes about some wiggy lawyer. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! And the really stupid thing is that there were only 5 series and only about 5 episodes in each series. And the really REALLY stupid thing is that each series only cost £15 when bought seperately. Matt did the maths and worked out that HMV were charging £75 for the DVDs and £125 for the box.

So I decided to simply get a refund for the box set and get my mum something else instead. Which brings me to HMV ridiculousness #3: HMV DON'T DO REFUNDS!!! They charge the earth for DVDs and then don't give you your money back when you've got the wrong one. I had to "exchange" it for a Gift Card.

So that's why HMV suck. And that's why I'm starting a campaign to boycott HMV (as soon as I've spent my £34 gift card).

Poker Night

It is soooo late.

And I'm losing.

Woo Hoo!

I passed my theory test. Although it may not seem that big a deal to many of you it's actually a massive relief. I was probably more worried about this one than my practical. Why? Because it's not uncommon for people to fail their practical. It happens all the time. There's no shame in it. But if I'd have failed my theory? Man would I have looked stupid.

So yes, I've passed and am well on task to meet my challenge to drive by the 27th of July. Just 7 months and 12 days to go.

I've got some way to go till I can legally get out on the roads but with my new qualification I am now officially authorized to sit in the passenger seat and tell other people how they should be driving.

I'm Not Sure What To Think

Since my last post concerning my likeness to Jonas Armstrong, it seems the children of Chelmsford have changed their mind. I have now had a couple of comparisons to "that guy from Narnia". After narrowing down the options and finding, to my relief, that they weren't referring to Mr Beaver, it turns out I bare a striking resemblance to Mr Tumnus the fawn.

Hmmm. Can't quite see it myself.

Looking Good in Green

Recently I've been going into schools and been getting a lot of comparisons to a certain forest dwelling outlaw. The first time it happened, I didn't really think too much of it but then it happened again and then again. Completely different classes. Completely different schools. And now even the teachers have joined in. According to the schools of Chelmsford, I am the spitting image of Robin Hood.

Maybe it's the beard.

At first I wasn't convinced. So I took a picture of myself striking a pose and actually I can kinda see what they mean. See what you think.

My First Crack at Ikea.

Last night I went with Matt L, Matt W and Christina to Ikea in Croydon to see Michelle (I want it noted that I had a lot of work to do last night and was only told that I would be spending 2 and a half hours journeying to and from Croydon after I was in the car).

It was my first time (in Ikea that is). I've heard stories and I've seen pictures but now my friends were taking me to enjoy it first hand.

It was great. The others took great delight in watching my face as I looked around the showrooms, drank lingonberry juice and tried my first Ikea meatballs. It really is as beautiful as they say. We bought draws and curtains for my bedroom and dreamed of owning Ikeaesque kitchens and lounges and offices (we even had a test-run office meeting).

All in all, despite having to wait till 12.30am to get in and finish off my PowerPoint presentation for this morning's lesson, it was great. I thank Sweden for great shopping and I thank God for great friends.

Blessed are the Absent-Minded for they will Leave their Inheritance on the Bus

Alright, alright so last week I lost my laptop. Let's talk about that. I still don't quite feel ready to joke about it mind you. However, it would seem that other people are. So here goes. Here's what happened to my laptop:

I don't know.

I woke up one morning and it was gone. I know I had it with me the previous night. I remember having it on the train. I remember taking it off the train. I remember taking it into the taxi with me. I remember taking it out of the taxi. I remember walking home with it. I remember getting back to the house and putting it down. I remember picking it up and taking it upstairs with me. And I remember going to sleep, safe in the knowledge that it was by my side. And while I stand firm in my conviction that I did all those things, the evidence would seem to suggest otherwise:

Clue #1: The laptop is not in the house. This would suggest that the laptop is not in the house.

Clue #2: Nothing else is missing and nothing in the house is broken. So I think we can rule out burglary.

Clue #3: The house currently looks like a showroom. With Andy and V trying to sell the house, they have removed many mounds of mess within which a laptop may be hidden. After upturning many tidy things, creating my own mounds of mess and then tidying up again, I think I can rule out the possibility that I put my laptop somewhere "safe".

Clue #4: To my knowledge, I have no history of sleepwalking. Some would call it clutching it at straws. I prefer to think of it as ruling out remote possibilities. But no, I'm fairly confidant that I didn't slip out the house with it whilst asleep and unconsciously leave it with an alley cat (although it was a full moon that night).

All this would seem to lead to two possible conclusions:

Conclusion #1: I left it on the train, taxi or in the street. Not likely.

Conclusion #2: The barrier between us and other worlds is weakening and everyday household items are slipping through small temporary worm-holes. This seems to be the stronger of the two possibilities.

I'm aware that it seems I'm adopting a certain reluctance to accept that I just left it but I can't believe that I would have left it anywhere with such mental vacancy so as to not realise until the following day. Or at least that's how I would be feeling were it not for a couple of other incidents this week that would seen to confirm that I am, in fact, slowly losing the plot:

On Friday I had my first ever lesson in the morning (yes - finally) and before I got to the school I spent some time scouting the area for shops, co-ops or garages where I could purchase some water (didn't want to lead a lesson parched now did I?). Finally I found some and merrily made my way to the school. When I got there, I went to the loo, left the loo, was taken to the classroom and realised that I had left my water (in more ways than one), in the toilet. I had to deliver two lessons back-to-back with a dry throat.

The second incident occurred yesterday. I was leading the cell group at Chelmsford Corps and so woke up and, suddenly aware of my newly found absent-mindedness, made sure that I had everything I needed with me. I needed my cell group notes and my bible. So I woke up, took them out of my bag and took them downstairs with me. Bible and cell notes - check. I had a shower, got out and got dressed, making sure that wherever I went, so did my stuff. Bible and cell notes - check. I walked downstairs carrying my cell notes and bible. I walked to the door with my cell notes and bible. I put my cell notes and bible on the side ever so briefly to put my coat and shoes on, making sure never to break eye contact with the cell notes and bible whilst doing so. I then picked up the cell notes and bible, making sure they were both there and I had a firm grasp of them both, opened the door and left the house with the cell notes and bible in hand. It was only when I was half way to the hall (i.e. at the point of no return) that I realised that the cell notes and bible that I had been carrying round the house with me and making sure I had on me at all times, were in fact my cell notes and diary. Yup. My diary. Completely different book. It wasn't all bad though. While I was unable to discuss Paul's teachings on community with the group, I was able to tell them what Jesus was up to on the 25th Septemeber 2006.

So I guess it's more than possible that I did, in fact, leave my laptop on the train, in the taxi or in the street. I just hope I recover from this newly acquired quirk before I lose anything else.

An Uninspired Blogger.

Recently I've been a bit slow on the ol' blogging front. I've got some good excuses. Wanna hear them? Ok:

1) My laptop was stolen. Some nasty, horrible, smelly little band of thieves (probably professionals) snuck into my room while I was asleep and took it from under my nose. Actually this probably isn't true but it sounds exciting and provokes more sympathy for yours truly than "I left my laptop in a taxi" which is probably what happened.

2) Work's getting busier. Recently I've only been able to blog from the office but that's been made trickier since I've been required to do some actual work. Tomorrow I have my very first lesson in a school (I'm talking about "What is a Christian" and "What a Christian Does" and "Belief in Action" and "The Good Work of the Salvation Army" and I have an hour) which is slightly scary but I'm glad to finally be getting going with it.

3) I lost my fingers in a game of scrabble that got slightly out of hand (no pun intended).

4) I was planning on writing a blog talking about why I haven't really been blogging with any regularity as of late but realised that I've done that before and again before that and then again before that and figured that people were probably tired of excuses and I should just leave it until I can think of something else to blog about ........

...

...

...

So that's why I haven't been blogging with any regularity as of late.

Applicants Required.

Looking for a new job? Want something fun and dangerous? Enjoy working with animals? You may be interested in this.

Kunskapsskolan - Don't ask me how you say that.

I've just had a teacher training session in which we were talking about the Swedish education system (specifically looking at Kunskapsskolan schools if you want to check it out). It's completely different to ours and sounds awesome. Basically, the kids get to pick the lessons they want to go to and construct their own timetable week by week. It's personalised learning to the extreme. It's incredible although I'm not sure that it would work over here.

The thing is, the guy telling us about it kept saying things like: "if we look at the Swedish model..." and "what the Swedish model shows us..."

I laughed.

I got strange looks.

My First Crack at Atheism.

After advice both for and against, I decided to buy Richard Dawkins latest book - The God Delusion. For those who don't know, Dawkins is a Darwinian scientist with a big thing against religion and the idea of God (hence the chirpy little title).

I was kind of cautious in buying this book. The main reason being that a few years ago I tried reading Steven Pinker's The Blank Slate and it almost destroyed me. It tried to scientifically explain how the body and mind doesn't require a soul in order to operate. I'd never come across this sort of thinking before and I felt my security in God slipping away (I don't think I even got past the first couple of chapters). Although this was scary, it also strengthened my resolve to not be so naive to the arguments of atheism (to this day, I still think of Pinker's book as my Everest). Whether I like it or not I'm going to have to face atheism sooner or later and when I do I need to be prepared.

Another reason for wanting to read the book is this: one thing that irritates me about a lot of atheist philosophers is that they paint an inaccurate portrait of God which makes it really easy to brush him aside. I don't think atheists actually realise what it is they don't believe in. They have a distorted view of Christianity and what it actually means to be a Christian (just because idiots persecute homosexuals in the name of Christianity, it doesn't make it Christian). And so they pick up on half truths and conveniently brush aside anything about the Christian faith that doesn't support their atheism.

The thing that really bugs me though is that Christians do exactly the same thing. We exaggerate and twist truths to "prove" that God's with us. The teenager who nods his head and says "I see your point but..." suddenly knew, according to the Christian leader who's telling the story later on, exactly what Christianity was about and was shaken to his very core, abandoning his prior beliefs and jumping on the Christian love train. The man who stops to hear the Salvation Army playing in the streets because he likes brass band music is suddenly proof that the gospel is reaching everyone in our community. The dying church who just had a couple of teenagers come in off the streets and sit at the back is suddenly experiencing the biggest revival since the Toronto blessing.

I have nothing against hope or optimism but when we exaggerate like this and ignore truths such as "the teenager was being polite", "the man likes brass music", and "the teenagers at the back were bored out of their brains" it's little wonder that atheists fail to take us seriously.

At the end of the day, when we look at the world around us and at a lot of Christian people and the kind of things that are happening in the name of God, there is actually a pretty strong case for atheism. And as long as we brush over all of these points and arguments as blasphemy and fail to take the case for atheism seriously, we look like we're running away from the truth we claim to be championing.

So this is why I'm going to hear Mr Dawkins out, I'm going to take his arguments seriously and I'm going to wrestle with them. And then, hopefully, when it comes to proclaiming the word of Jesus, I can rest assured that I am speaking the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Blog Update

A few changes to my blog:

Blogroll

Ben Jackson and Mike McCredie are out. I like to think I've been patient up until now but it's simply been too long. Nothing from Mike since July 31st and nothing from Ben since July 6th (if he thinks for one moment that I'm going to count "I'll blog soon" and "here's a question I found from a book - discuss" as credible posts then he is sorely mistaken - lazy toerag).

Taking their places are:

Becky Wainthropp - My beautiful cousin who, like the rest of my family, I don't get to see nearly enough. She's getting married in the not too distant future and I've met the guy, like, once. Anyway, she has a good blog (despite the pinkness) and it's worth checking out. (P.S. Her name isn't really Wainthropp. I'm just trying it out to see if it sticks.)

Kirsty - Kirsty, much to her family's horror, was born without a surname. After months of painful surgery, the name Bolchett was attached but soon fell off after a bicycle accident. On legal forms, she puts her name down as Kirsty Kirsty. Kirsty is a good friend and former partner in crime (if only they would legalise drama lessons) although she has recently left me to continue her work with MI5 (she tortures terrorists for information). Kirsty's is a deep and thought provoking blog (kind of like this one - but the opposite).

Writings
I've posted another bit of writing in my ever slowly growing anthology. I wrote Amazing Grace for a Songster weekend last Saturday and got some positive feedback so I thought I'd post it here.

I think that's it for now.

Bye.