Pedantry Files

(Jon is talking to a pedantic friend)

Jon: Do you realise how infuriatingly frustrating it is having you pick up on every single little minute error within every sentence I say?

(The pedant winces. Jon rolls his eyes.)

Jon: What?

Pedant: It's just that the phrase "infuriatingly frustrating" is something of a tautology. The two words mean the same thing. It's not necessary to have...

Jon: I'm warning you!

Pedant: And don't get me started on following the word "little" with the word "minute".

Jon: Aaaargh!!!

(Jon batters the pedant to death with an "m" he decided not to use when he used the phrase "to who it may concern")

One of the Greatest Days in History!!

Today (in London time that is) will likely go down as one of the turning points in history.

Today voices and hearts from around the world were listened to.

Today the people spoke out and achieved something that many never dared to hope for.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's right...the blog is back.

After a long break followed by a (mostly) successful challenge and a complete makeover, Confessions of an Innocent Man is back and sexier than ever.

A massive thank you goes to my little brother, Daniel, who did the redesign and is continuing to get more and more impressive with every new project he undertakes.

I deeply enjoyed blogging regularly last month and the general feedback I have received (including an amusing dose of satirical controversy) and I am looking forward to practicing and showcasing some of my writing once again for both of you - my lovely readers.

In other, completely unrelated news, Senator Barack Obama was elected as the 44th president of the United States this morning (in London time that is). I was up for most of last night trying to keep up with it all. I know it's not my country but I can't help but look forward to the next four years with great interest.

Something that did stand out from last night's/this morning's election, however, were two incredible speeches:

This concession speech from John McCain is one of the finest examples of humility, grace and optimism in the face of defeat I have ever seen.

And of course Obama's victory speech was always going to be good.

I'd encourage you to check them out. Man. I haven't felt this proud to be an American since I first watched West Wing.

Blog Under Construction!

Please be patient whilst this blog is updated and made awesome.

Thank you!

The Student Project!

Now that he's bothered to actually do something with it, I would like to recommend to you my little brother's blog. Daniel has been in Bristol for almost a month now studying illustration. As well as being an all round nice chappy he is exceptionally talented in the area of art and drawing. I am a big fan of his work as I'm sure you will be too once you've seen some of it:

Check it out.....here!

Daniel has also promised, as a reminder to those of you who have been reading this blog for the past month, to update this very blog and make it look much cooler than it currently does.

How much longer have we got on that?

Oh yes.

3 days to go!

Long Leg Watch!!

Further to my post on the 28th September 2008 in which I celebrated the end of the daddy long leg season, it seems I was somewhat wrong. Two weeks later and these little blighters have infested my flat.

I found these two skulking around in the bathroom:

These two were hanging round the kitchen:

This one was lurking in the hall:

And this one was camped out just above the board games in the lounge:

I hate 'em. IhateemIhateemIhateemIhateem I HATE 'EM!!

I'm considering hiring some primary schools boys to come round for an afternoon and pull their legs off.

4 days to go!

Best Best Man Ever!

This is the best moment of any wedding ever in the history of mankind:

That best man is, without a shadow of a doubt, my new hero.

Apologies for the excessive misuse of the Lord's name and single moment of bad language.

5 days to go!

Blond(e?)

I can never remember if the word blonde is spelt with or without an 'e'. So to help me remember I just think "oh it's like 70's punk band Blondie but without the 'i'".

But whenever I have to put this into practice I'm like "is it 70's punk band Blondie without the 'i' or without the 'ie'?"

6 days to go!

Friday Challenge.

I found this picture on the internet today and when I saw what it was hiding thought it was really clever so I thought I would share it with you all (hi Mum) as a public challenge. Can you see the hidden image?

I couldn't for ages but once I could it's now all I can see.

If you want a hint then check the comments below.

7 days to go!

A War Cry for Procrastinators!

They can take away our internet access.

They can take away our email.

They can take away our games.

They can take away our solitaire and our pinball and our minesweeper.

They can take away our photoshop.

They can take away our DVD drives.

They can take away everything that distracts us from work.

But as long as I have some pictures on my hard drive and any kind of basic photo editing software I can still waste time creating...SCARY BLURRY FACED WOMAN!!!

8 days to go!

Islianity!

Today I met Nikhat. She is a trainee teacher working at one of the schools I teach at. She is also a Muslim. This afternoon Nikhat observed my year 8 lesson on "Who is Jesus?" I was a little bit nervous about this as I wasn't entirely sure what Jesus looked like in Islam and I didn't know how she would respond. Afterwards she approached me and was incredibly encouraging. She said that I had engaged the kids on a spiritual level and she seemed really supportive of everything I was trying to do - both as a teacher and as a Christian. Of course she wanted to challenge my views of an incarnational God but, hey, who doesn't right?

What's more, in my sad pedestrianised state, she offered me a lift back home and so we shared a car journey and what turned out to be one of the most enlightening faith-based conversations I have had in a long time.

Now I have always tried to resist the temptation of getting caught up in and sold out on the media's representation of certain groups and individuals (be it a certain celebrity or an entire faith or ethnic group) but I have to admit to being somewhat surprised that Nikhat wasn't a little bit more, um, how shall I say, aggressive. She didn't seem to have any interest in converting me. In fact, I felt more affirmed in my faith as a Christian after talking to her than I have after most conversations with other Christians. She belongs to a big inter-faith group in Chelmsford and believes that in a world that desperately needs God, why are different faiths so focussed on our differences? Why aren't we working closer together to help develop the spiritual understanding of ourselves, each other and those around us?

And so we spent a good 20/30 minutes talking about what we seperately believe and the differences in our theology but also what we both whole-heartedly subscribe to. I found it fascinating to hear about the various prophets of Islam and she would laugh and smile with joy as I quoted verses from the bible that seemed to sync up so perfectly with certain messages in the Qu'ran. It was incredible. And as I sit here now reflecting on the day and writing this I can't help but feel that I have been a little bit changed by the experience. Do I feel that my theology or my faith has been challenged. Yes but positively. Have I been converted to a more Islamic way of thinking. Not at all. But then that wasn't the point. The point is, when I got out of the car and returned home this afternoon I realised that I wanted to be a Christian like Nikhat is a Muslim. And that maybe, just maybe, God is big enough to listen to both our prayers.

9 days to go!

Clover-what?!

Katie and I each made a list of five films we wanted to introduce the other to:

My list of films to introduce Katie to:

Life is Beautiful

Once

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Shawshank Redemption

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Katie's list of films to introduce me to:

The Notebook

P.S. I Love You

Saw

Prime

Cloverfield

Tonight we watched Cloverfield. Now I understand the appeal of certain cult films which will give away little snippets of information to the priveleged few who pay regular monthly payments to that particular film's offical fansite and so have a far more learned understanding of the background to the underlying concepts surrounding said film. You know the types: "Oh yes well if you look very closely in the second chapter Detective Marconblad passes a man on the street who is wearing a blue tshirt with a yellow and red penguin symbol on the chest. The very same symbol that the Neptune Corporation used when they first released the Goden Virus into the monkey enclosure four years before the movie is set. Ooooh YAAAAAARRRSSS!!!" This is all well and good but I would still expect that film to let me know what the heck is going on by the time I get to the end of it. Any film that requires a masters in background study just so I can begin to get a grasp of the plot is simply too much like hard work to be entertaining. Cloverfield (much like it's televisual cousin, Lost) tells you NOTHING!!! However, if you spend the next hour or 3 accessing the appropriate websites and YouTube videos then you're allowed a glimpse into what was actually going on.

For those who are interested, it is actually a satellite dish falling into the sea which causes the monster to awaken. I would call this a spoiler except it's not revealed at any point during the film. Whew! But seriously, it's a good film. You should check it out.

10 days to go!

The Exciting Schedule of Glyn Harries

8:00 Woken up by alarm - snooze button

8:06 Woken up by alarm - snooze button

8:12 Woken up by alarm - turn snooze off so that I won't be tempted to go back to sleep

8:30 Woken up by Libby who is outside flat to pick me up for lesson

8:37 Get in Libby's car (fairly certain I was quick enough for her to not think she woke me up)

8:45 Arrive at Boswells school

9:00 Due to start Creation and Evolution lesson

9:10 Start Creation and Evolution lesson

10:00 Realise that the clock in the classroom is 10 minutes slow - end lesson abrubtly

10:20 Arrive back at office and realise that Libby must have spent most of the weekend cleaning and tidying it

10:21 Libby tries to convince me that she was only in the office till 18:00 Friday evening

10:24 Realise that Libby must have spent most of the weekend hiding all my stuff

10:27 Lynsey tells me about finance deal with Citroen C1s.

10:30 Tweak Creation and Evolution lesson

10:55 Leave office for second Creation and Evolution lesson

11:10 Arrive at Boswells and set up for lesson

11:20 Deliver 2nd Creation and Evolution lesson

12:40 Back at office

12:50 Go for lunch at Gregs (as in we bought it at Gregs and brought it back to the office...we didn't sit down in Gregs...they have no seats).

13:34 Admit to Libby that I was in bed when she arrived at my flat

13:34 Libby tells me she was well aware of the fact that I was in bed when she arrived at my flat.

13:42 Decide I've now gone long enough without car. Follow Lynsey's advice and phone Citroen dealers. Book appointment

13:48 Start to go through "Who is Jesus?" lesson for tomorrow

13:49 Check blog

13:59 Continue going through "Who is Jesus?" lesson for tomorrow

14:00 Check facebook

14:33 Continue going through "Who is Jesus?" lesson for tomorrow

14:34 Play with frisbee in office

14:38 Libby and Jo become distracted and annoyed with my frisbee playing

14:39 Attempt to limit frisbee playing to the area around my desk

14:45 Continue going through "Who is Jesus?" lesson for tomorrow

14:46 Get Jo to give me a lift to the Citroen dealer

15:01 Test drive a Citroen C1

15:12 Wish I knew how long you're supposed to stay out during a test drive

15:27 Order a Citroen C1

15:36 Walk and bus home.

16:29 Phone Daniel for a catch up. Left with a feeling of pride and excitement.

17:30 Arrive home

17:32 Change into squash clothes

17:43 Graeme picks me up for squash game

18:02 Arrive at squash courts 20 minutes late (both Graeme and I slightly relieved at not having to go a whole 40 minutes).

18:24 Leave squash courts having been thoroughly beaten.

18:33 Arrive back at home

18:36 Make myself fried sausage and egg sandwich whilst I contemplate how good all this squash playing is for my health.

19:00 Shower

19:30 Katie picks me up for Straight Ahead

20:00 Straight Ahead

22:14 Katie drives me back from Straight Ahead

23:33 Arrive back home

23:59 Update blog

Getting Punched in Slow Motion.

Two things strike me when watching this video:

1) How weird things look when you slow them right down.

2) Who, for the love of all things good, would sign up to this?!!

Action Blogging!!!

As much as I've enjoyed my return to blogging, having to post everyday for a month has proven to be quite tiresome. I will usually get to the end of the day and realise that I still have to blog, think of something worth blogging about and then publish it onto the good ol' interwebnet.

This has often left me with seconds to spare (today being no exception). It's almost as if regular blogging has lost it's edge so I have decided to take up X-treme Blogging. It's like posting normally except you do it in a mad panic and really late at night (you know, when it's dark and there are ninjas about).

I'm hoping to return to leisurely blogging this week and have a few posts a little bit further away from midnight but I can make no guarantees.

P.S. The above image took longer to put together than I would care to admit.

Red Ribbons

Red ribbons
Dripping, smudging, growing, oozing,
Relieving, distracting, consuming, amuzing.
Justification in little drops
Something to hide while the ribbon clots
A back up plan for when the laughter stops
And something worth crying about.

Red ribbons
In threes, in ones, in lines, in curves,
In crosses, in statements, in patterns, in words.
Further proof that no-one knows
A desperation that never shows
As water drains, the ribbon flows
Accompanied by a silent shout.

Abstinence Shmabstinence

Like any good Salvationist I have promised to abstain from all forms of alcohol. Therefore, I occasionally like to pour myself a tiny bit of coke in a large glass, add a couple of ice cubes and pretend I'm drinking Jack Daniels.

Does anyone else do this?

P.S. By anyone else I, of course, mean anyone else over the age of 10.

P.P.S. Yes I'm 25.

P.P.P.S. Yes I'm responsible for the spiritual development of young people

P.P.P.P.S. ...

P.P.P.P.P.S. What?!

A Drama Cell by Any Other Name...

These are the first pictures of our exciting new Drama Cell Group. Tom, Catherine and I have been meeting since April and on Sunday we will be performing out to the general public for the first time. We have four dates set for the Area Praise meetings this month (5th - Letchworth; 12th - Southend; 19th - Colchester & 26th - Ilford) and then after that we're heading to Birmingham for the Territorial Congress on the 2nd November. It's exciting times and I'm confident that we will be received really well (Tom and Catherine are amazing). Hopefully more interest and more bookings will follow.

However, we seem to be incapable of coming up with a decent name for ourselves. We have thrown a few about but nothing seems to stick (since I was 15 I've wanted to start up a Christian based theatre company called Lightwise - this was laughed out of the room. A 10 year old dream dashed in seconds). I've been scouting round but I'm struggling to find anything that is both appropriate and catchy. I was rather hoping to find a really cool Greek word that meant honest interpretation (I quite like the idea of having a name which means honest interpretation - I feel that's what we're about) but alas Google has not provided me with the answers I have so desperately craved. So the search goes on. I'm a big believer in the product making the name rather than the name making the product but I'm also keen to find something that just works and feels right for all four of us (Kirsty helps out as well). Anyone with any ideas?

P.S. Bonus points for anyone who can guess which of the above photos is staged.

For today's post, please click on "comments" below.

Chronic Procrastinators Look Away Now!!

This bills itself as a fun online physics puzzle game. All I know is that it is pretty darn addictive. Check it out:

http://fantasticcontraption.com/

The Season of Darkness Approacheth its End

September is a difficult month for many of us. It marks the end of the summer. For teachers, students and schools workers its the first month back after our longest break. For Salvationists there's the prospect of collecting. The evenings are getting darker. The days are getting shorter. I could go on. But for me, there is another, particularly epic reason that I hate this autumnal month. For you see September is the month of the dreaded Tipulidae, otherwise known as ... the Daddy Long Legs. Nothing on this great and varied earth can strike fear into my heart quite like the humble crane fly. These mid-season loving arthropods are, I am convinced, the very last thing the Archangel Lucifer was allowed to help create before he was cast out of heaven (in fact, I am inclined to believe that their invention was one of the key reasons for the fall in the first place). Many people think that this insectual (I said inseCtual) fear is somewhat irrational and unfounded. So allow me to briefly list 5 perfectly rational reasons why I believe these creatures should be feared and, ultimately, destroyed:

1) They move weird: Daddy Long Legs don't fly. They don't walk. They don't crawl or swim or climb or even fall. Daddy Long Legs seizure. The life of the crane fly is one long epileptic fit. They are born, they then bump, shake and wobble their way through existence and promptly die. This is weird and creepy. Having a fly (or even a bee) buzz towards me is annoying but seeing a Daddy Long Legs hover it's way across the carpet (or wall or ceiling) is just sinister and alarming. If any person did that to you you'd hit them with a brick. If making a bee line towards someone is approaching them directly and quickly then a Daddy Long Legs line would involve one getting on the ground and silently (and without permission or invitation) sneaking up on them - like a ninja. Or a stalker!!! Yeah. That's it. Daddy Long Legs are the nervous twitchy stalkers of the insect world.

2) They have no purpose: Daddy Long Legs do nothing. NOTHING!! Bees make honey. Humans make iPods. Crane flies? Zip! Zilch! Nada! They have no purpose and no meaning. Do you know what that means? They have no soul. Do you know what else has no soul? Vampires. Daddy Long Legs are vampires.

3) Poison: Did you know that the Daddy Long Legs has the most poisonous venom known to man? The fact that they don't have the teeth to administor said poison is neither here nor there. The fact is, they're deadly. You can't call that irrational.

(NB: For the sake of honesty and integrity, readers should know that Daddy Long Legs, in fact, do not have even remotely harmful venom. This is a widely believed urban myth. However, for the sake of this blog, I would like you to ignore this and continue with the perpetuation of the poison myth - this just makes for a stronger argument for me)

4) Look at them: Just flipping look at them. They are spindly and fragile and are held together by air. They look like a spider's web came to life and you can't tell me that wouldn't freak you out.

5) And finally, if you needed anymore convincing. If just looking at them with human eyes won't budge your resolve then check out what they look like under the microscope:

Tell me that isn't a hideous creature of Greek mythological proportions. I defy anyone to not shudder upon its countenance. There is only one word for it:

Bleeeuurgggghharhahahaaaaaarrrrgh!!

But as I say, the season's coming to an end now so I really don't need to worry about it.